I feel helpless..so so helpless.

I found out today an online friend of mine just broke-up with her boyfriend. Truth to be told, I wasnt surprised that it came to this. She told me before that she kinda expected that the relationship wouldnt hold. I just pisses me off that the guy took her for granted. (to be more exact.. a spare tyre) I'm not sure what kind of charm this guy has over girls, but that's not the way to treat a nice girl. I feel like a spare tyre too (in a complicated relationship)...but then again I'm not a nice guy.

Ever felt helpless? It's knowing that she's a few states away crying her heart out. It's knowing her eyes are becoming swollen till it hurts. It's knowing she cried herself to sleep and cries when she wakes. It's knowing that she's losing sleep, losing weight and worst of all..losing herself. And there's nothing in the world that I can do to change that. All I can do is sit on my comp, wondering..hoping..and typing. Times like this I wish I was a superhero with flight abilities, or with precognition. Perhaps all I wish for is her to let me know how she's doing. I wish she's doing fine. I hope her friends talked her out of the depression.
The depression, I know how it felt. Ohh yes..I remember..I remember the pain. It's a scar embedded in my heart that reminds me everyday of it's sole purpose..pain, regret, heartache. 4 years of relationship..down in the drain. What's more, it was 1st love for both of us. So, yes...it's easier said that done. It's easy to say "Cheer up dear, you'll get over it" or "You should listen to a more uplifting song to cheer urself up". BAH. I know better..I had to quit my job, fly to UK and stayed 2 months there to prevent myself from crawling back to her. My parents and brother that I lived with doesnt know this..but I cried everyday..for 2 months while I was in UK. There wasnt a single day that passes that I never broke down in tears. So, yes..it's easier said then done.

I stayed online...just in case she needed someone to talk too. But alas, she's offline by the time I finished this sentence. I think that's a good thing. I hope that she's sleeping soundly. I wrote a little something on her blog..something I hope that would make her feel better. It's rather weird coz in the ending, I wrote a little poem. Here's how it goes..

He has walked..
Doesnt matter if he's gone,
It's lasted for a year..
Doesnt matter if it's over,
You've cried..
It's time to liftup yourself,
Cause the sun..
is still gonna come out shinning

Kinda regret writing it coz it sounded a little corny+weird. Or maybe it sounded like it was taken from a song.

Come to think bout it..now I know why she left so suddenly in the middle of our msn chat. I guess that's was when she was gonna talk to her boyfriend to breakup.

And to close this post...I was in the middle of a sms chat session with another friend. The last 3 sms was sent by me...and nope she didnt reply. I'm guessing she fell asleep waiting for my slow-ass-sms-typing skills. Hope the both of you have a good nite...and a good day ahead of you.

Signing off,
-Nameless Blogger-