Today, the title doesnt matter
This is not my-usual feel good post.
I've never felt so much fear before in my entire life. The nearest to what I felt today was probrably when I was a kid, just before giving my parents the disciplinary letter that my teacher asked me to get them to sign on it. Soon after the fear subsides only to be replaced by searing pain when the cane lands on my butt.
Today, reality hit me hard in the face. The make-believe-all-rosy-illusion of my new job was shattered. I've come to realization that my new job is not something I enjoy. I've come to understand why I dread waking up and going to work. I've come to understand why my sub-conscious mind refuse to let my body wake up to the sound of the morning alarm cloak.
I hate my job, not because of the nature of the job, not because of the people I'm working with, but...because I suck in it. 4 months in my new department but still there are things that I do but I dont understand at all. 4 months passed and there's still financial terms and issues that I still dont comprehend. And coz of that, I end up with crappy results.
Today, my boss say things that reflected my job performance. It wasnt really nice to hear. Being shouted at in a normally quiet office is not something you want to face especially when your everyone is listening to the hurtful comments. You know what's worst? That in the end, everything he said is the truth. That was when, reality sank in.
And I was scared. So unsure of what I should do next.
I really suck in Finance.
I feel like giving in my resignation letter. Actually I was typing it till I realize what I loser I would be to quit now. I believe that if I left a mess behind, I should STAY BEHIND and clean up. That why I started typing this entry instead of my resignation letter.
I'm not out of the woods yet. There's a meeting with the customer tomorrow. Anymore complains and I wont need worry about typing that resignation letter anymore, coz my boss will be telling me to pack up instead.
I've never felt so much fear before in my entire life. The nearest to what I felt today was probrably when I was a kid, just before giving my parents the disciplinary letter that my teacher asked me to get them to sign on it. Soon after the fear subsides only to be replaced by searing pain when the cane lands on my butt.
Today, reality hit me hard in the face. The make-believe-all-rosy-illusion of my new job was shattered. I've come to realization that my new job is not something I enjoy. I've come to understand why I dread waking up and going to work. I've come to understand why my sub-conscious mind refuse to let my body wake up to the sound of the morning alarm cloak.
I hate my job, not because of the nature of the job, not because of the people I'm working with, but...because I suck in it. 4 months in my new department but still there are things that I do but I dont understand at all. 4 months passed and there's still financial terms and issues that I still dont comprehend. And coz of that, I end up with crappy results.
Today, my boss say things that reflected my job performance. It wasnt really nice to hear. Being shouted at in a normally quiet office is not something you want to face especially when your everyone is listening to the hurtful comments. You know what's worst? That in the end, everything he said is the truth. That was when, reality sank in.
And I was scared. So unsure of what I should do next.
I really suck in Finance.
I feel like giving in my resignation letter. Actually I was typing it till I realize what I loser I would be to quit now. I believe that if I left a mess behind, I should STAY BEHIND and clean up. That why I started typing this entry instead of my resignation letter.
I'm not out of the woods yet. There's a meeting with the customer tomorrow. Anymore complains and I wont need worry about typing that resignation letter anymore, coz my boss will be telling me to pack up instead.
posted by NamelessOne at 9:17 PM
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