A Reason for the Season?

Lemme recall what I did this X'mas eve. I...
-skipped a BBQ party with my ex-college mates
-didn’t show up for a pot luck party in Subang
-turn down an X'mas dinner invitation with my colleagues
-...and not to mention skipped my chance to get pissed drunk on X'mas eve

I cant say I'm a faithful christian, but every year I do make a point to attend CGMC's (a Methodist church back in my hometown) X'mas eve service. Maybe it's not solely for the purpose of faith, but its sure is the only chance I have in the year to catch up on old friends and stuff.

I didn’t even attend that...

Instead, on X'mas eve I stayed alone in my apartment, ate 2 boxes of Magnum mini Ice-Cream, 1 bar of chocolate, drank 1 box of Milk and 1 bottle of beer (one after another la of course),...while logging in to WoW and watching anime.

Do you see the point I'm getting at?

I've lost it...lost my mood to celebrate, to party, to meet up old friends...

Where's the holiday spirit? Where's my "party-and-stayup-all-night" personality? Man...I just wanna get on with life. Cant things return to normal AGAIN?

I have to agree when they said...

Some things are easier said then done...

Miserable Weekend

I was overwhelmed with a mixture of confused thoughts and feelings. Most of them indescribable in text form, but they leave me with a miserable weekend nonetheless.

However, today the sun rose and greeted me in the same way since I was borned. Nothing changed. The world continued spinning and life resumes as it did every other day.

It's true what they say, "When you laugh the world laughs with you, but when you cry...you cry alone".

With all the confusion going on inside my mind, there's only ONE thing I'm sure of...

..Life still goes on.

December : Time to rot alone at home.

2006 is coming, and I'm turning a year older (well, in the counting terms of the year anyway). In the earlier part of this year, I was planning ZoukOut as the last event I would go to (cheh...I make myself sound like a party animal hor?). However, I've lost my mood to party eventho December is an eventful month. You see, a girl I used to go out with is getting married next week. No sane human being in my current state would have the mood to party. Is not that I still cling on to old feelings, but if anyone were to be honest to himself/herself, they would still feel the same with their old flame.

Ok, coming back to the topic of "her". You see, we didn’t really have a proper "closure". If anyone's to blame, it would have to be me. She left, and I didnt even put up an ounce of attempt to stop her. It didnt help either when she told me that if I was more aggresive, I'd changed the course of events. But I appreciate her telling me that coz knowing she share the same feelings for me helps to make the night less colder. However, I'm sincerely happy for her. She used to tell me she was afraid that she cant get married. I'm glad she wont have to worry about that anymore.

If I'd be honest with myself, in my current state…I wish it was...



...I wish...



I'd still wish her all the best.